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This IS The Life I Never Wanted To Live.
I asked myself just earlier, if this is the last night you live and you don’t wake up tomorrow what do you want to do…
The first thing that came to mind was I want to write about my life and
I want it to be known. Even though this is the HARDEST Thing in my life to talk about. I don’t feel comfortable holding in the gross stuff in my life and keeping it to myself. I want to get this feeling of discomfort out in the open so people that relate are there with me.
Because I get what it’s like to feel alone and broken and like nothing in my life will ever change. Right now I’m asking myself who am I? And why am I stuck in this? Why do I struggle with an addiction since 11 years old? Why can’t I get out of this addiction?
Why am I digging a greater hole that’s already bad enough? Why do I have ADHD and Bipolar disorder and possibly Asbergers.
Why do I have anxiety and depression that makes me want to die everyday knowing that even if I take my meds, even if I go to the hospital when I get back home and wait a couple weeks I will still feel suicidal.
And the doctors will still ask the same shitty questions, are you suicidal? and ask on a scale that they already know is going to be 6 or 7.
